Earlier this year I took a conflict resolution in medicine course.

I learned many things but this one point resonated with me. I continue to go back to it when considering difficult negotiations inside challenging relationships.

What is required for people who implicitly do not have a trusting relationship to begin talking and even listening to one another? Expecting people to abruptly establish trust is to ask for the near impossible.  The word trust is often too charged and too personal.

There is an alternative. In place of trust, it is best to focus attention on “confidence”.  “What would it take for you to have the confidence that the other side will in fact do what they have agreed to do?” “What could you do to give the other side confidence you will carry out what you have agreed to do? “  These questions place emphasis on the present and the immediate future rather than on the past.  Whereas “trust” refers to the deep-seated matters of relationships and beliefs, confidence building refers to specific actions and behavior.  It could take years to repair the suspicions of the past, though nothing could do more to speed the process of interest-based negotiation than some successes and confidence building in the present and into the future.

The Walk in the Woods: A Step‐by‐Step Method for Facilitating Interest‐Based Negotiation and Conflict Resolution – Marcus – 2012 – Negotiation Journal – Wiley Online Library